


Don't Have To

by benicemurphy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Demisexual Keith (Voltron), Drinking, First Time, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Past Shiro/Unnamed Other, Pining Keith (Voltron), Porn with Feelings, Sheith Flower Exchange 2019, Shiro (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, fwb to lovers, time skip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-04 09:36:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20468885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benicemurphy/pseuds/benicemurphy
Summary: Keith is seven when he meets Shiro for the first time. He is ten when he first starts to realize he doesn't like girls, and twelve when he realizes he definitelydoeslike Shiro. He is thirteen when Shiro moves away for college.Keith is twenty-two when he finds Shiro again and finds himself in a situation he never expected to be in.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tavrosroofies (troof)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/troof/gifts).

> This is a pinch-hit for the Sheith Flower Exchange for Tavros that, frankly, completely ran away from me. What I expected to be closer to 5k is already over 9k and climbing, so rather than make you wait any longer (since I'm already posting at the deadline anyway), I hope it's okay that I've turned it into a multi-chapter fic. The first two chapters are written in full, and the third is in progress. I'll proof and post the next chapter within the next couple days!
> 
> I was really excited by your prompts and kind of ended up accidentally making a monster of them. I hope you like it!

When Keith was seven years old, a new family moved in down the street. He was playing by himself in their expansive backyard under the shade of the big plum tree when he first heard, then saw the truck rumbling down the block. It wasn’t common for people to move in and out of their neighborhood. In all of Keith’s seven years, he could remember maybe two other times that someone old left and someone new came. He remembered because his father always made him greet the new families, maybe hoping he’d make new friends, but it never happened. He turned back to his toy dump truck, currently full of dirt and squiggly worms, and ignored the sounds of another disruption as best he could.

A week later, his father called him inside. “Wash your hands, kid,” he said. “We gotta take this over to the new folks down the street.” Keith ducked his head but did as he was told. He may have been young, but he knew his pop meant well.

“Is Mom coming?” he asked.

His dad nodded. “She met ‘em yesterday in the park, says their son’s real nice. I think she and his momma have some things in common. It’ll be nice for both of you to get along, I think.”

Keith sighed with all the stress of seven long years of life and dutifully trudged behind his father, who carried what he called his “welcome to the neighborhood” pie. Keith thought it was just apple with extra sugar on top. His mother met them at the front door and took his hand as they made their way down the street.

“Go on, knock on the door,” Keith’s father instructed when they reached their new neighbors’ front door. He did, timidly, then stepped behind his mother’s legs before anyone had a chance to open it. Keith wasn’t scared, per se — he was rarely ever _scared_ of anything — but he didn’t do very well with people other than his parents. It was why none of the other kids on the block ever played with him, and his teachers at school called his mom every so often to talk about his issues making friends. That was fine, Keith thought. He loved his mom and dad. He didn’t really need anyone else anyway.

After a few short moments, Keith heard footsteps approaching and braced himself. The door swung open to show a boy, older than Keith by a lot, he figured, with a nice smile full of braces and funny haircut.

“Hi,” the boy said.

“Hey there, neighbor,” Keith’s father said, holding out his hand. “I’m John Kogane, but you can call me Tex. This is my wife, Krolia, and my son, Keith. We’re just dropping by to welcome y’all to the neighborhood. Your folks home?”

“Nice you meet you, sir!” the boy beamed. “My name is Takashi Shirogane, but most people call me Shiro. Come in! I’ll get my parents.”

They followed the boy into the house. Keith gripped his mother’s hand tightly, not quite comfortable in an unfamiliar environment. The other two times he had done this with his father, the neighbors had taken the pie and left. He hadn’t ever been invited into a stranger’s home before. But the boy seemed nice, and his smile made Keith feel a little better, so he let his mother lead him over to the squishy couch in the strange living room.

Not a minute later, three adults bustled into the room with Shiro trailing behind. They seemed nice, if not a little loud, and Keith stopped listening after he was required to shake hands with all of the new people. He stood off to the side after that, trying to make himself invisible and stand as quietly as possible. He caught enough of the conversation to understand that the two younger adults were Shiro’s parents, and the older woman was his grandmother, who lived with them permanently. Beyond that, he didn’t need to know anything else. He watched his mother talk with the younger woman and was happy to see her smiling and laughing. He usually only saw her do that around his dad. She had trouble with other people sometimes, too, so he liked seeing her make a friend. His mom deserved friends. She was the best.

Without his notice, Shiro made it over to Keith’s corner and sat beside him. Keith nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized he had been noticed and was no longer alone. Shiro chuckled.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Keith scowled. “I wasn’t scared.”

Shiro just smiled. “Surprised, I mean. Sorry.”

There was a pause before Keith finally mumbled a shy, “’S’okay.”

“Your name is Keith?”

Keith nodded, suddenly feeling shyer than he could remember around new people. Maybe it was just because most people didn’t take much time to try to get to know him before deciding he wasn’t worth their time. Maybe it was because Shiro was still smiling at him in a way that made him feel all funny inside.

“Sorry my family is so loud,” Shiro said. “They can be a lot, but I love them.” Keith didn’t say anything, because there was nothing really to say, so Shiro kept going. “We moved here from pretty far away, so I don’t really know anyone or any fun stuff to do. Is there anything cool to do around here?”

Keith shrugged. “Depends what you think is cool,” he muttered.

Shiro just looked at him with big, kind eyes. “What do _you_ think is cool?”

“Iono,” Keith said. Shiro waited. Keith shuffled his feet and watched the floor in front of him as he spoke. “Dirt and bugs and stuff, I guess,” he conceded. “And planets.”

Shiro gasped beside him, and Keith nearly jumped out of his skin again at the sudden noise. “You like planets?” Keith nodded. “Me too! I’m gonna be an astronaut someday.”

If Keith thought Shiro’s smile was nice before, it was nothing compared to the way he smiled when he was excited. It made Keith smile a little bit, too.

“Cool,” he said.

Shiro, possibly realizing that Keith didn’t like to talk much, just flashed him another metallic smile and nodded in acceptance. “Cool,” he echoed. “Do you have a telescope?”

Keith shook his head. He had been wanting one for a while, but his parents said they didn’t have enough money for one yet.

“I can show you how to use mine sometime, if you want. Sometimes you can even see Pluto!”

Keith’s heart skipped a beat. “Really?”

“Yeah! You have to show me the best spots for stargazing, though,” Shiro said. “Since I’m the new kid.”

Keith thought about the plum tree in his backyard and the open expanse of sky around it, where he’d lie out on his back sometimes before bed and dream about what it would be like to fly amongst the stars. “Okay,” he agreed, and smiled.

When Keith was ten, Shiro started going to high school and didn’t have as much time to play. He said he had a lot more homework than he used to, so he couldn’t go out until later. Sometimes Keith would already have to be in bed by the time Shiro came knocking, and he would listen to his mother apologize and tell Shiro that it was too late for Keith to come out. He hated those nights the most. He loved that Shiro wanted to hang out with him, but he hated feeling like a little kid when he wasn’t allowed to.

He mostly saw Shiro on the weekends, and sometimes Shiro had other big kids with him, too. There was one boy, Matt, who was nice. He liked planets, too, so Keith didn’t mind so much when he came around, but he liked it best when it was just the two of them. Sometimes there was another boy, Adam, and Keith didn’t like him as much. He didn’t seem to like Keith very much. One time Keith heard him tell Shiro that he didn’t understand why Shiro liked playing with babies, and Keith had gone home to angrily cry into his pillow. He wasn’t a _baby_, and Shiro was his _friend_. From then on, he stayed home whenever he saw Adam at Shiro’s house.

Over the next two years, Keith started realizing that he didn’t think about girls the same way his classmates did. Although most still claimed that girls were gross, he heard the whispers when the girls weren’t around. One time a boy brought a dirty magazine to school, and all the other boys in the class were curious to see what was in it. Keith wasn’t curious. Girls _were_ gross, and he had no interest in seeing what was under their clothes.

He talked to Shiro about it that same afternoon. He was allowed to stay up later once he started middle school, so he could see Shiro during the week again. Shiro didn’t bring people over during the week much, so mostly they just hung out by themselves, which was perfectly fine by Keith.

They were lying under the plum tree, enjoying the shade from the hot September Texas sun, when Keith brought it up.

“A boy in my class brought porn to school,” he said without preamble.

Shiro coughed and sat up on his elbows to look at him. “_What?_”

Keith rolled his eyes. “I’m twelve, Shiro, not an infant. I know about porn.”

“Oh,” Shiro said. “Right. I guess I kinda knew too when I was your age.” Keith thought back to when he and Shiro first met five years ago and struggled to think of that boy, who helped him pick worms off the sidewalk and rebury them, who showed him how to do long division, who carried him around piggyback and fought pretend dragons with him, looking at one of those dirty magazines. Shiro clearing his throat brought Keith out of his thoughts. “So how was it?”

Keith’s brow furrowed in confusion. “How was what?”

“The, uh— the stuff the kid brought.”

“You can say porn, Shiro.”

Shiro lay back down. “Fine. How was the _porn_?”

Keith shrugged. “I dunno, didn’t look at it. Too many naked ladies.”

“You don’t like naked ladies?” Shiro asked. There was no judgement in his tone, just curiosity.

“Nah,” Keith said. “I don’t like girls at all, I think.”

“Oh, okay,” Shiro said. “That’s cool. Me neither.”

Keith looked over at his friend, leaf-shaped shadows dancing over his face where the sun peeked through from above. He had gotten his braces off a few months ago. Keith had loved the braces, but he loved Shiro’s smile without them just as much. He loved his smile even when his teeth weren’t showing, like now, as he lay peacefully under the plum tree with his eyes closed, totally at ease with a kid five years younger than him.

He felt himself getting shy again, like the first time they met, when Shiro had been so patient with him, not making him talk more than he wanted to and offering to show him Pluto and every other planet.

“Hey, Shiro?” he started. Shiro hummed his acknowledgement. “If you don’t like girls, does that mean you like boys?”

Shiro opened one eye and peeked at him. “It does for me. Might not mean the same for you, if you don’t think you like boys, either.”

Keith hesitated. “I think I like boys,” he said at long last.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He hesitated again, closing his eyes and feeling the light dance across his closed lids as the leaves above swayed in the wind. “I know I like you.”

Shiro didn’t say anything for a while. Keith knew it was a dumb thing to say. Of course Shiro wouldn’t like him back — he was seventeen and a senior in high school. In less than a year he would leave for college. Keith was just a kid. He knew that. He knew he was too young for Shiro, but he liked him all the same.

“Keith, you know I’ll always be your friend, right?”

Keith sighed. “Yeah, I know. It’s okay, Shiro. I know I’m just a kid. You don’t have to like me back.”

He heard Shiro rustle in the grass beside him, but Shiro didn’t speak. Eventually, his curiosity getting the better of him, he looked over to see Shiro smiling gently at him.

“You’re a really cool kid, Keith. And I’m really glad we’re friends. I may be too old for you, but I’m glad you told me. Thank you for trusting me.”

Keith smiled back in spite of his young heart’s rejection. “Thanks for being my friend, Shiro.”


	2. Present Day

Keith had just finished unpacking the last of his boxes when his phone rang. He had half a mind to let it ring but knew that only a few people could possibly be calling, and he didn’t want to ignore any of them.

He trudged over to the coffee table where he’d left his phone and collapsed on the couch.

“Mom,” he said by way of greeting.

“_Hey, kit. How’s the unpacking coming along?_”

Keith stretched his legs. His feet throbbed now that he was off of them, and he felt himself settling in for some prime couch potato time.

“All done,” he said. “Just put the last of it away. Now I’m probably gonna order a pizza and pass out before it gets here.”

Krolia huffed a short laugh on the other end of the line. “_Sounds like you’ve had a long day. No plans?_”

“Plans?” Keith scoffed. “With who? It’s not like I know anyone.”

Krolia made a surprised noise. “_No? You haven’t talked to Shiro?_”

Keith’s heart fluttered at the mention of his name. It had been years since the last time he and Shiro had lived in the same place. Other than a couple of brief interactions around Christmastime, most of their communication since Shiro left for college had been over the phone, text, or IM. In recent years, even that had been sparse. Still, Shiro remained the kindest, most genuine person Keith had ever met.

He cleared his throat. “Um, no, not in a while,” he said, hoping he didn’t sound as disappointed by that fact as he felt. “Haven’t really been in the same place, you know?”

His mother hummed thoughtfully. “_Well, according to his mother, you’re in the same place now._”

“What?” If Keith had been drinking something, he probably would have drowned himself with the way he choked at the information. His mother waited patiently while he coughed, trying to expel the spit that had gone down the wrong pipe.

“_So I guess you’re still not over that crush of yours,_” Krolia remarked mildly.

Keith’s face flamed. “_What? _You knew about that?”

“_Keith!_” his mother cackled. “_Of course I did! Did you think you were being subtle? Even your father noticed when you were about fourteen and Shiro came back from his first year of college_.”

Ah, yes. Keith remembered that summer vividly. Shiro had been away the whole year at school, and Keith hadn’t even been able to see him at Christmas because his family had spent that year out of town. So when Shiro showed up at the end of the school year with an extra thirty pounds of muscle and a jawline that could cut glass, Keith’s very gay, very fourteen-year-old heart (and hormones) had a field day.

Still, he had hoped that his _parents_, of all people, hadn’t noticed how incredibly uncoordinated he suddenly became whenever Shiro walked into the room.

“_Mom_,” he hissed, embarrassed and caught out.

Krolia only guffawed louder. Keith waited impatiently for the torment to stop. He didn’t much like being teased, but it was rare that his mother laughed so openly about anything, so he let her have her fun for the moment.

“Okay, okay,” he said after a while. “I get it. Can we move on?”

“_Okay,_” she sighed, and in his mind’s eye he pictured her wiping away tears of laughter. “_But yes, Shiro is in the same town as you. I’m not sure where he works or what he’s up to, exactly, but I could ask if you want me to._”

Keith shook his head before remembering that she couldn’t see him. “No,” he replied, “I’m sure I’ll see him around if that’s the case.”

Idly, he wondered if Shiro still had the same number. It had been a while since he’d last called, but he thought if Shiro had changed it, he would have at least let Keith know. Before he could think too hard about it, his mother interrupted his train of thought.

“_Why don’t you give him a call?_”

Keith sighed and nestled himself into his couch cushions. “Yeah, I guess.” He wondered what Shiro was like, now. He wondered if Shiro still thought about him and wondered how he was doing. He shook the thoughts from his head. He didn’t even know if Shiro was still interested in being friends after all this time. He probably had his own friends, a job, maybe even a boyfriend. The thought pained him a little, though he had long since gotten over any possible hope of ‘being with Shiro romantically. “Hey Mom, I gotta go. I’m gonna order that pizza before I really do pass out.” It was an excuse, probably, but also the truth.

“_Alright, get some rest, kit. I’ll call you tomorrow when your father gets home. He misses you already._”

Keith smiled to himself. “I miss him, too. Both of you. Tell him I said hi. Love you both.”

“_Love you, too._”

He hung up the phone and let the exhaustion take over. He was asleep before he remembered to order his pizza.

The next morning he awoke with a crick in his neck and a tweak in his back.

“What the fuck,” he muttered to himself. “When did I get so old?”

He stood, stretched, cracked roughly every joint in his body, and grabbed the first set of clean clothes he could find, which amounted to the least ratty pair of sweatpants he owned and a band tee from a concert he went to at least seven years ago.

He wandered out the front door in search of a greasy diner. He hadn’t had a chance to go grocery shopping yet, so making breakfast was out, and after passing out before dinner the night before, his stomach was angry and talkative. He walked for about twenty minutes, refusing to pull out the map on his phone to search for one; he preferred finding new things on his own. It was by pure luck that he eventually stumbled upon a worn-down looking 50s-style diner, the kind that was built inside an old train car and probably wasn’t even air conditioned. It was perfect.

He seated himself at a table in the farthest corner of the restaurant and perused the menu while he waited for someone to come by and take his order.

“Keith?”

The sound of his own name startled him out of his hungry concentration. Who could possibly know him here? He looked up and directly into a pair of brown eyes he hadn’t seen in… god, probably nine years.

“It is you!” Matt exclaimed. “Holy — wow, you look great, man. What have you been up to? What are you doing here?”

Although taken aback by the unexpectedly warm reception from a guy he barely knew when he was a kid, it felt nice to see a familiar face.

“Hey, Matt,” he said, a little dazed. “Long time no see.”

Matt chuckled. “No kidding. Can’t believe I recognized you. You were like, a wee tot last time I saw you. Now you’re like, big and hot.”

Keith felt his eyes bug out of his head.

“I mean, not like that!” Matt hastily corrected. “That was supposed to be a totally normal compliment, but I realize now that it was not.” He waved the pad and pen he was holding and gestured awkwardly to the menu. “Anyway, what can I get you? Coffee? Are you a coffee drinker now? Oh, sorry, I probably should’ve asked if you were ready to order—”

“Coffee would be great, thanks,” Keith offered. Matt nodded and wrote it down. “And uh, an orange juice, if you have it. And…” He glanced over the menu one more time. “A Colorado omelet with a side of French toast.”

“Wow, big night last night?” Matt joked, then immediately turned red and flustered again. “Oh, shit, sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I barely even know you, that was so inappropriate. Sorry. Let me get you that OJ on the house. I’ll be back, sorry.”

Keith watched him flee — because that was what he did, flee — feeling extremely confused and slightly amused, and maybe a little harassed. Had Matt always been so awkward? He couldn’t remember much from when he was a kid other than that Matt loved science and was always nice to him. He shrugged, supposing that as long as those two things stayed the same, it might be nice to know someone nearby and not have to go through the trouble of trying to make friends at his new job.

Matt came back a few minutes later with his coffee, his OJ, and a less frantic apology before trouncing away again to check on his other tables. When he returned again with Keith’s food, he paused long enough that Keith felt compelled to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, nothing,” Matt said. “I was just wondering if Shiro knows you’re here.”

Keith shrugged and chewed on his bite of French toast. It was _heavenly_. He swallowed before answering, because he wasn’t raised in a damn barn. “I didn’t even know he lived here until yesterday,” he explained. “And I just moved here, but my mom has probably already called his mom by now, so. Garrison Grapevine, maybe?”

Matt nodded sagely. “Ah, yes. The good ol’ Mom Hotline. Well, I’m sure he’d be thrilled to see you, if you wanted to come by sometime. I’m over at his place all the time. I basically live there. I can give you the address if you want.”

Keith hesitated. Would that be weird? Accepting Shiro’s address and an invitation to Shiro’s apartment by someone other than Shiro seemed… decidedly weird.

“Um,” he said, unsure how to answer. “Maybe I’ll just call first.”

“Oh, yeah, of course!” Matt fiddled with his pen for a minute, then continued. “Well, like I said, I bet he’d be really happy to see you, so you should definitely give him a call. I gotta go check on my other tables, but holler if you need anything.”

He was gone before Keith had a chance to say anything else. He devoured his food, which was every bit as delicious as he expected it to be, paid his tab at the counter, and went home to wait for the internet guy to show up while he stared at his phone, unable to decide whether or not to actually make the call.

It was less than forty-eight hours later that the decision was made for him. He answered his phone absentmindedly as he shuffled about putting away his groceries. “Hello?” he greeted. There was a short pause before the person on the other line cleared his throat.

“_Hey, uh, Keith?_”

Keith nearly dropped the apples he was holding. The voice was deeper than he remembered, but still so achingly familiar that it woke the butterflies hibernating in his stomach.

“Shiro,” he breathed. “Hey.”

“_Wow, hey, I can’t believe you recognized my voice._”

Keith ought to have been embarrassed by being called out, but he wasn’t. He was only glad to hear his friend’s voice after way too long.

“‘Course I did,” he said. “Not like it’s changed that much anyway.” It had, but not enough that Keith felt the need to admit that Shiro’s voice would probably always be seared into his brain.

Shiro laughed on the other end of the line. “_I guess you haven’t changed much, either. That’s nice to hear._”

Keith’s cheeks warmed at the fondness in Shiro’s voice. Of course he had always been aware that his crush on Shiro had never really gone away, but hearing him talk now brought back the feelings full force.

“_Anyway,_” Shiro continued after a beat, “_I hope it’s okay that I called. Matt told me he saw you the other day and I just thought it would be nice to see you._”

Groceries long forgotten, Keith slid down to the floor and pulled his knees close to his chest, cradling the phone against his ear. “Yeah, of course it’s okay that you called,” he said, too earnest. “It’s been a while.”

“_Yeah, I’m sorry about that,_” Shiro said. Keith could hear the regret in his voice. “_I should have been better about keeping in touch. Just, life, you know?_” Keith hummed in acknowledgement. “_But you’re here now, right? So let’s reconnect. I want to know what you’ve been up to these past few years._”

Keith smiled, the warmth on his cheeks spreading throughout the rest of his body. It felt really nice to know that Shiro still cared after all this time. “Yeah, I’m here. What did you have in mind?”

“_Well, we could always grab a drink— wait, can we do that? Are you twenty-one yet?_”

Keith couldn’t help but laugh. “Twenty-two, actually. So yeah, I can drink. But we don’t have to do anything fancy, Shiro. We can just hang out if you want. Like old times.”

The smile in Shiro’s voice was audible. “_Okay. Like old times. I can send you my address if you’d like? You can just come hang out, maybe this weekend? After work on Friday?_”

“Sounds great,” Keith agreed. “Can’t wait.”

“_Same. See you soon, Keith._”

“See you, Shiro.”

He hung up the phone and buried his face in his knees. Even after so much time had passed, he didn’t think he’d ever stop feeling like a giddy kid when it came to Shiro.

Keith had a little less than a week to get himself together before seeing Shiro. But first, he had to concentrate on his first day at his new job. It was his first “real” job out of college, and he was nervous and anxious to make a good impression. He knew he was smart, and he’d always been a fast learner, but he also knew that theoretical test knowledge and real life application of knowledge were two entirely different things.

He woke up Monday morning before his alarm and elected to get out of bed and get ready instead of wasting time. Lying in bed waiting for the alarm to go off would just give him time to psych himself out. He picked out a nice shirt — one of the five his mother had insisted she buy for him before he left, a light lavender that made his eyes look almost purple, she said — and a pair of black dress slacks, brushed his teeth, and grabbed an apple on his way out the door. There was no point in waiting around. Plus, it was better to be early on the first day than risk being late.

What he did not expect when he showed up was for the building to still be locked. It was something he had not considered; because he hadn’t attended his first day yet, and therefore hadn’t been through orientation or been given an access badge, he had no way in. What he expected even less was the person who showed up to let him in nearly half an hour later.

“Hey,” the guy grinned as he flashed him a brief smile. “You the new guy? I guess no one told you the building doesn’t open until the first person shows up around seven thirty, huh?”

Keith held his breath as he waited for his coworker to turn and face him properly. When he did, Keith let out his breath and said, “Yeah, probably would have been helpful to know that.”

It was worth it to see the way Shiro’s eyes bugged out at the sight of him. “_Keith?_” he sputtered. “Wow, you look… wow. You got — uh, you grew up.”

Keith inwardly preened. He knew he looked good. He had gotten a lot stronger since Shiro left, partly so that he could defend himself against bullies as he got older, and partly because boxing helped him get out his aggression. Without Shiro around, things had been harder for him, but he had gotten through it, and his parents had been there for him even when he struggled to find other friends.

But Shiro… Shiro looked _incredible_. He had gotten bigger, too; even bigger than the last time Keith saw him the last time Shiro had come home from college. His hair was completely white, and although Keith had no idea what that was about, it looked _damn_ good on him. A good once-over told Keith that something had definitely happened, and from the looks of it, quite a while ago, judging from the way the scar across his nose had healed and the ease with which he used a very fancy-looking metal arm, like it was totally second nature. He worried about what might have happened, but Shiro looked pretty happy, all things considered, so he hoped it was something Shiro was able to move past. Though, admittedly, his heart ached at the fact that he had somehow missed a very important event in Shiro’s life during their time apart.

The silence stretched a little awkwardly as they regarded each other, and Shiro seemed to notice first, clearing his throat and swiping his badge to grant them both access to the building. “So, you _are_ the new guy, right?” he asked.

Keith gave a small chuckle. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Well lucky for you, then,” Shiro continued as Keith followed him through the building and into an open office space filled with desks. “I’ll be the one training you this week.”

And _oh_, was that lucky, indeed.

It was both a blessing and a curse having Shiro as his mentor. Shiro was brilliant. He always had been, and in some ways, it was just like being thirteen again and getting Shiro’s help in the classes that tripped him up. In other ways, it was completely different. The things Shiro was teaching him now would be the foundation for products to be used by actual people someday. Keith had all of the knowledge, but Shiro had to help him navigate unfamiliar new computer programs, operate machinery that could take off someone’s limb if they weren’t careful, and process everything through a mountain of paperwork that even Shiro couldn’t make seem exciting.

Shiro treated him as an equal, never assuming Keith wouldn’t understand something, but never offering more information than he could reasonably take in at one time. He was an amazing mentor, just like he was an amazing tutor when Keith was a teenager, and an amazing star guide before that. The week flew by, and by the time the end of the day on Friday rolled around, Keith felt much better about where he stood in his new job.

The only problem was that Keith was painfully aware that absolutely everything Shiro did was beautiful, from the way he interacted with the machines to the way he interacted with the people around him. Keith had never understood how Shiro could be so good with people, but it was a gift. Everyone seemed to love him, and with good reason; Shiro was a true pro at his job, even being one of the youngest people in the company, followed only by Keith himself and another young prodigy engineer a year younger than Keith.

(Apparently the kid had zoomed through his undergrad and graduated a year and a half early, landing him a full-time engineering job at the company at the tender age of twenty, six months before Keith finished his own degree.)

All of that, coupled with Shiro’s devastating good looks and that smile that hadn’t dimmed even slightly since they met when Shiro was twelve years old, did absolutely nothing to help Keith’s rapidly re-emerging crush. If Keith knew anything about himself at all, it was this: he was fucked.

“So, you still wanna come over tonight?” Shiro asked as Keith gathered up his things. Keith looked around to see if anyone had overheard, but apparently Shiro didn’t mind if they did.

“Is that allowed?” he asked.

“Sure, why wouldn’t it be?” Shiro gave him a puzzled look.

“I dunno, you training me and everything…” He trailed off, unsure how to finish his thought.

“Oh! No, I’m not your boss or anything. I’m a senior engineer, so a step above where you are now, but I don’t have any authority over you. I’m just the guy they get to train the younger guys. I trained Hunk, too.”

“Oh, cool,” Keith said, pulling his bag over his shoulder. He breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, yeah, if it’s still okay with you.”

Shiro smiled his dazzling smile. “Absolutely. Meet up in about an hour? I’m gonna swing by the store and pick up something to drink. Any preferences?”

Keith shrugged. “Not really. Whatever you like is fine. I’m not picky.”

Shiro gave him an assessing look, then returned his shrug and hoisted his own bag up from where it had been resting. “Alright then. See you soon. Don’t keep me waiting,” he teased with a wink. Keith swore he could physically feel his heart somersault in his chest.

Although it wasn’t a date by any stretch of the imagination, Keith didn’t intend on spending his first casual hangout with Shiro as an adult in his stuffy work clothes. He stopped by his apartment to put away his work bag and change into a pair of black jeans (that maybe happened to make his ass look really good, but that was neither here nor there) and a comfy sweater, attempted to tame his untamable hair with a haphazard braid, and set off to the nearest convenience store before plugging in the address Shiro gave him.

Shiro actually lived relatively close, considering the size of the city. His apartment was on the third floor of what used to be a single-family home, which was common in this part of the country, meaning he occupied the entire third floor. It was nice and clean and well-decorated, with brand new appliances and just enough space to be comfortable without being too much.

“Nice place,” he said as he deposited his case of beer and his bottle of wine in the fridge. “Hope you didn’t clean up just for me.” He was teasing, of course — the place was clean in a way that showed that Shiro was good at maintenance cleaning, unlike Keith’s, which got a thorough deep clean every two to three months and looked like a sty the rest of the time.

“Oh yeah, been at it all week,” Shiro teased back with a grin. “Couldn’t bring a new guy home and make him think I’m some sort of cave-dwelling gremlin. Even if it’s true.”

Keith felt his ears heat up at the implication of _bringing a guy home_. He tried not to think about how often Shiro did or didn’t have that kind of company over, then inwardly cringed at the way he referred to it in his mind as “that kind of company.”

“I’m hardly a new guy, Shiro.” He struggled to decide what to grab first. Beer was definitely the more casual drink. It said, _Hey, it’s just me, your old buddy Keith. Let’s catch up, just like old times_. It was safe and comfortable. Wine, on the other hand, set a different mood. Wine said, _Hey, it’s me, Keith, the guy you just reconnected with. Let’s get to know each other again and see where this goes_. He hesitated with the door to the refrigerator open and his hand halfway inside.

“Can’t make up your mind?” Shiro asked. Keith huffed out a laugh, embarrassed-but-not-really to be caught in his indecision.

“Yeah, just not sure what I’m in the mood for.”

Shiro came up behind him to look in the fridge. Keith could feel his breath ruffle the hair on the back of his head. “Hm, well, I’ve never tried this before. Might as well see if it’s any good, right?” He reached around Keith to pull out the cheap bottle of wine, then retreated to fetch a couple of wine glasses. Keith swallowed and hoped Shiro couldn’t hear it.

“Might as well,” he echoed and followed Shiro into the living room to his overstuffed couch. “So, how long have you been here? I can’t believe I didn’t hear about it when I got the job.”

Shiro arched an eyebrow at him as he filled both of their glasses. “Been here for a while, actually. Since I graduated. So, a few years. How would you have heard?”

“Oh,” Keith said, feeling silly. “Our moms still keep in touch. My mom used to pass on a lot of information about you, but I haven’t heard much lately.”

Shiro laughed. “Keeping tabs on me, Kogane?”

Keith sipped his wine and held back a grimace. It was decidedly not good. “_No._ I just talk to my mom a lot.”

“That’s cute,” Shiro said, expression soft. “It’s nice that you’re still close. I remember you were always really close with your family as a kid.”

“Yeah, well. Mom and Pop have always been really good to me. You know how I am— was— um. Anyway, yeah. We’re still close.”

It was a little embarrassing that he still didn’t really know how to make friends, and _a lot_ embarrassing that he accidentally admitted it to the one person he might actually be able to consider a friend now. He looked over at Shiro to find him considering Keith with an unreadable expression. If he caught on to Keith’s slip-up, he didn’t mention it. Keith downed the rest of his glass in one disgusting motion.

“More?” Shiro asked. He filled Keith’s glass before letting him answer. He looked like he was holding back a smile at the slightly traumatized expression Keith knew he was making. Shiro’s glass was conspicuously still half full.

“Shiro,” Keith started with narrowed eyes. “Are you pawning off the bad stuff on me so that you don’t have to drink it?”

Shiro’s smile broke free, and Shiro turned the full force of it on Keith. “Caught me,” he said. “Clever as ever.”

“We don’t have to drink it,” Keith laughed. “I know it’s gross. We can have something else.”

Shiro shrugged. “Kinda feels like a wine night, don’t you think?”

Keith tried his best to fight off a blush. Was that was this was? Was it a wine night in the way he thought Shiro meant it? _Play it cool, _he thought to himself. _This is your chance._

“Yeah, it does. But maybe we could find some nicer wine.”

Shiro considered that for a moment before finishing his own glass and taking the nearly-empty bottle back to the kitchen. “Let’s see what I can find,” he mused. Keith watched him rifle through cabinets and a pantry, moving things aside and digging to the back. Keith found it a little funny. Didn’t most people know what they kept in their house?

“Not a bigger drinker?” Keith asked.

The sounds of boxes and bottles being moved around muffled Shiro’s reply. “Not usually wine, no. Not recently, anyway.”

Curiosity piqued, Keith couldn’t help but prod. “Oh?”

“Aha!” Shiro emerged from a tall cabinet with a dusty bottle of something that looked very fancy. “You like champagne?”

“Sure,” Keith shrugged. “Are you sure, though? It looks expensive.”

Something flashed across Shiro’s face too quickly for Keith to catch. Maybe when he was younger and they were still close, he could have read the emotion there anyway, but it had been too long and Keith was no longer familiar enough with Shiro’s expressions to glean anything from it. “Well, it’s a special occasion,” Shiro said with a plastered-on grin. “Reconnecting with one of the best friends I ever had seems like a pretty good time to pop open the good stuff, right?”

Even through his concern over Shiro’s drop in mood, Keith couldn’t help the ripple of happiness that washed over him. “Well, when you put it that way.” He smiled up at Shiro and watched his features soften and his mood stabilize once more.

“I’m really glad you came, Keith,” he said as he uncorked the new bottle. Some of its contents bubbled up over the top when the cork popped off. Shiro rushed to stop the flow with his mouth, which made Keith laugh before he could respond to Shiro’s previous statement.

“Wow, really? This isn’t college, Shiro. You can afford to spill a few drops.”

Shiro swallowed the liquid in his mouth and put the now calm bottle back down. His face flushed a pretty pink with embarrassment, but he took the teasing in stride. “Force of habit,” he said. “Besides, this stuff was expensive. Best not to let it go to waste.”

Keith stood and brought his wine glass over to the counter where Shiro was now wiping up the slight spillage that he hadn’t been able to catch. Shiro promptly plucked the glass out of his hand and put it in the sink.

“Nuh uh,” he said. “No cross contamination with this stuff.” He pulled out two champagne flutes from another high shelf. From what Keith could see, there wasn’t much else in the cabinet besides a couple of other specialty glasses and a small box.

“Who even has champagne flutes?” Keith teased again, forcing himself not to think about the little box. He nudged Shiro with his elbow, almost making Shiro spill the champagne again as he started to pour it into Keith’s glass.

“Watch it!” Shiro scolded around a laugh. “I only have these two. They were an impulse buy, okay? Gotta drink champagne out of something nicer than a plastic cup sometimes.”

Keith dropped the subject. He was worried about the details he might be missing from the story and was sure it was a topic not entirely suitable for the kind of lighthearted evening they were currently sharing. He followed Shiro back to the couch and plopped down, careful not to let his fancy champagne spill. When Shiro dropped down next to him again (less plopping, more purposeful) he was much closer than before.

The champagne was nice. Keith wasn’t much of a wine drinker himself — he usually preferred beer or whiskey, if anything — but it was dry and bubbly and tickled his nose pleasantly. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, and after a little while Shiro shifted into a more comfortable position, reclined with one leg crossed over the other and his arm thrown casually across the back of the couch. Keith followed his lead and allowed himself to relax, as well. He didn’t realize he’d been holding himself a little tense, and it felt nice to just lean back and let the champagne flow through his veins.

“This is good,” Keith commented, not for lack of anything else to say, but because it was on his mind.

Shiro hummed beside him. “Yeah.” Keith felt his hair shift as his braid rubbed against the arm behind his head. He took another sip from his glass, now very close to empty. The bubbles fizzed up around his nose and he wrinkled it reflexively. He could almost feel Shiro’s low chuckle next to him. “Cute,” Shiro said.

Keith turned to look at Shiro to find him already looking back at him. “Cute?”

“Mmhmm,” Shiro agreed. Keith could swear he saw Shiro’s gaze drop to his lips and back up again, but he didn’t dare believe it.

They were close. When had they gotten so close? When had an evening catching up with an old friend turned into something that felt very distinctly date-like? Keith’s thoughts began racing a mile a minute. There was no way Shiro was into him, right? Sure, Keith was older now, and he had put in the effort to make himself look good before coming over, but in Shiro’s mind Keith had to still be a gangly teenager with a bad haircut and no friends. Right? That’s how this reunion was supposed to go, wasn’t it? Surely it wasn’t supposed to go like this, with the only boy he’d ever had real feelings for looking at him like — well, like a _date_.

Maybe it was nerves, or maybe Keith just couldn’t quite handle the idea that maybe his decade-long crush could finally lead somewhere, but he found himself creating space. He finished the last sip of his drink and stood on embarrassingly wobbly legs to get himself a refill. “Getcha anything while I’m up?” he asked as casually as possible.

Shiro passed him his empty glass as well, and Keith brought both back to the kitchen to fill.

“Thanks,” Shiro said as he took back the glass offered to him. He didn’t move from his place on the couch, but the tension from earlier was broken, and Keith felt comfortable sitting beside him again. Touch had never been a problem for him with Shiro, and it was nice to have that familiarity. Part of him wanted to kick himself for potentially throwing away his only shot at something happening between him and Shiro, but another part was still getting used to the idea of having Shiro around again.

“So, engineering, huh?” Keith asked. “I thought you were gonna grow up to be an astronaut.”

Shiro smiled softly. “Yeah, that was the plan, but it didn’t really work out.” He wiggled the mechanical fingers behind Keith’s head, tugging teasingly on his braid. Keith had to force himself not to let out a noise at the sensation and tucked away the new information about himself. “For one thing, no humans have left the atmosphere in years. You know that. And even if they were sending people into space, it hasn’t advanced far enough to deal with liabilities with missing limbs.”

Keith frowned at the casual way Shiro talked down about himself. “You’re not a liability,” he declared with a little more force than necessary. “I don’t know what happened to you, but whatever it was, it doesn’t make you any less incredible than you always have been.”

He dropped his eyes, feeling exposed. Was he really that much of a lightweight? A few glasses of wine and suddenly he was unable to hold back his honesty? He felt Shiro’s fingers in his hair again, this time not tugging but threading gently through it. He wanted to scold Shiro, tell him not to mess up his braid just to give himself something to say, but his heart fluttered and told him in no uncertain terms that Shiro’s fingers were exactly where they belonged.

“Workplace accident at my first job out of college,” Shiro quietly explained. “There was an explosion near my area that took out a big chunk of the lab. I was… actually really lucky to make it out alive. Others weren’t so lucky.” Keith felt the tie at the end of his braid come loose under Shiro’s fingers. “It was a long time ago, Keith. Don’t look so sad. I’m okay.” Little by little, the strands unraveled. Keith took a long sip of his drink.

He melted into Shiro’s touch, allowing his head to fall back. He rolled his face toward Shiro and let Shiro pull the hair from behind him so that he could continue to comb through it.

“Is that why I haven’t heard from you in years?” Keith asked. He couldn’t stop the question from coming out. He had missed Shiro terribly in their time apart. He wondered why the calls and texts stopped coming, and he wasn’t confident enough in himself back then to continue reaching out to someone who had probably moved on from their friendship.

The hand stilled where it was twisting his hair. “Yeah,” Shiro admitted solemnly. “That was… a really hard time for me. For a lot of reasons. I should have kept in touch with you, Keith, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t. But it was just a lot for a long time, and then once I was feeling better, I just… Well, I guess I just figured things had changed.”

The mood had shifted back to that heaviness that Keith had been trying to avoid. He didn’t like it. “Things _have_ changed,” he countered. “We both grew up. That was always inevitable. But just because things have changed doesn’t mean we can’t get back to the way they were.”

Shiro loosened little by little. He resumed his ministrations, and Keith allowed his eyes to fall shut after setting his empty champagne flute on the coffee table in front of him next to Shiro’s, also empty. “You’re right,” Shiro said. “You’ve definitely grown up. You’re…” He trailed off, but Keith desperately wanted to know what was at the end of that sentence.

“I’m?”

“You’re…” Keith felt Shiro shift beside him. He heard the rustle of Shiro’s shirt against the couch, felt the arm behind his back move more purposefully to settle across his shoulders. He didn’t dare open his eyes, half afraid that he was imagining the intimacy in the air. This time, he wasn’t afraid of it. He had pulled away once, but he wouldn’t again. If Shiro wanted to offer him something, he would take it.

“You said that already.” The words were barely more than a choked whisper. He could hardly breathe over the light scent of Shiro’s aftershave, so close that Keith could probably lick him if he wanted to. And _oh_, did he want to.

“You’re stunning,” Shiro finally whispered. “In so many ways.”

Without warning he felt a hand on his jaw, gently turning his face. He snapped his eyes open. Shiro’s gaze was intense and searching; he leaned in a little but hesitated, leaving it to Keith to close the distance between them. Keith’s heart hammered in his chest. He was sure that Shiro could feel it where his fingers were resting just above his pulse point.

Keith leaned forward again but stopped a breath away from meeting Shiro’s lips. He wanted it _so badly_, but he needed Shiro to be the one to do it. With as much intent as he could muster, he searched Shiro’s eyes, imploring him to just _do it_. He waited one beat, two, and then Shiro’s eyes were closed and his lips were pressed to Keith’s. A shudder ran up Keith’s spine, and he arched toward Shiro, turning his entire body to get a better angle on the kiss. The hand not trapped between them moved to the back of Shiro’s head to hold him close.

Keith fell back against the arm of the couch, pulling Shiro with him without breaking the kiss until Shiro was hovering above him, one hand in Keith’s hair and the other propping himself up. They kissed long and slow for a few breathtaking, blissful moments, until Shiro pulled away suddenly, breathing heavily.

“Keith,” he panted. “Wait.”

A lead weight dropped into Keith’s stomach. How had he already screwed this up? “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Shiro said with a loud swallow. “I just, um. Before anything else happens — not that I'm expecting anything! Just, if that’s potentially where this is heading, I just need you to know that I, uh…” He paused for a long moment. Keith thought he might explode from the anticipation. “It’s just… God, this is going to sound terrible.” The weight in Keith’s stomach liquified and began to spread throughout his core. “I don’t date?” Shiro said at long last. It sounded more like a question than a statement, but Keith knew it wasn’t up for debate.

“Oh,” Keith replied, trying to keep the hurt and disappointment out of his voice. He barely took the time to consider it before making a decision. “That’s fine. I don’t either. You don’t have to like me, Shiro, don’t worry. This can just be what it is.”

Shiro’s eyes caught his and they met as silence stretched between them for a few long, uncomfortable moments. “Are you sure?”

No, he wasn’t, truth be told; but he wanted Shiro more than anything. He never in his wildest dreams thought he’d ever have the chance to have Shiro in this way, but he’d always been willing to take anything Shiro was willing to offer. Now was no different.

“Completely sure,” Keith said with conviction. “No strings.”

Shiro grinned. “No strings,” he whispered back, and dove in for another kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few weeks passed in a blur as Keith found himself in a situation he never could have imagined and still barely believed was actually happening to him. Although Shiro was always perfectly professional at the office, their shared lunch hour often found them pressed together in Shiro's car, liplocked and panting. Every time Keith had to hastily un-muss his hair in Shiro's rearview mirror and then go back inside and pretend nothing was happening, he felt the conflict within him rise a little higher.

So far it hadn't gone any farther than some filthy, heated makeout sessions, but he'd felt Shiro's significant boner pressed against him enough times to know it would eventually head in a more... intimate direction. There was no denying it: Keith was nervous. But he'd been twelve when he first realized he liked Shiro. He'd been fourteen when Shiro had come home from his first year of college built like the healthy, athletic nineteen-year old he was and realized he wanted to put his hands and mouth on him. He'd been sixteen the last time he saw Shiro in person, and by then he'd been getting himself off to the idea of Shiro for two years.

Now, he was twenty-two and edging toward the chance of a lifetime. How many people got to say they grew up to be with their first and only childhood crush?

Well, _get_ with, in any case. Semantics.

The night came about a month and a half after their first kiss. They were at Shiro's place, their usual Saturday night spot, ostensibly to watch the newest episode of a show they were both following though they had barely paid attention to it, preferring to trade lazy kisses and teasing touches as the television droned in the background.

They were long past the point of shyness with their touches. As Keith’s breathing grew heavier and his heart beat faster, he felt a hand push up the hem of his shirt and stroke the flat plane of his stomach. He couldn’t resist the shudder that ran through him. Although the touch was familiar by now, it never stopped feeling new. Every time Shiro touched him was like the spark igniting a match, and every time he went home to his empty apartment, it was like tossing away another used booklet. But boy, while they burned, they burned _hot_.

“Hey, you okay?” Shiro asked between kisses. His hand was wrapped around Keith’s waist, his thumb stroking absentminded circles on his flank. “You’re spacing out a little.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Keith panted. “Just got distracted. Feels good.”

“Hm.” Shiro kissed him again. The hand beneath his shirt climbed higher, higher, until Keith got the hint and pulled back to let Shiro remove it completely. “You’re pretty.”

Keith let out a breath that he hoped didn’t sound as uneven as it felt. “Thank you.”

He said nothing else, voice lost as Shiro nipped and sucked at his neck. Keith had learned very early on that Shiro loved to leave marks, and with no small amount of humiliation had gone online after showing up at work two different times proof of their activities to figure out what kind of makeup he should use to cover it. Any other time he could have asked him mother, but that would have meant trying to explain to her why Shiro was leaving marks on him even though they weren’t together, and Keith wasn’t dumb; he knew exactly how stupid he was being by letting himself get into this situation in the first place.

But it was _Shiro_. The one and only Shiro, back in his life after way too long, and Keith wanted him so _badly_. Talking to his mom would only make him doubt himself, and he couldn’t have that. Not yet. He needed this.

Shiro sucked until the spot on Keith’s neck began to feel tender and Keith let out a delicate moan. He felt Shiro’s grin against his skin right before he pulled away.

“I love it when you make that sound,” he teased. “So hot.”

Keith let his own hands trail up Shiro’s shirt to trace his muscled back. “Look who’s talking,” he said. He felt dumb about the lame retort almost instantly, but Shiro just smiled wider.

“You think I’m hot?”

Keith snorted. “Duh. Don’t fish for compliments, Shirogane. It doesn’t become you.”

“Ouch, didn’t know you were so snippy, Kogane.”

“Yes you did.”

Shiro chuckled lowly and kissed him again, slow and deep, the kind of kiss that made Keith’s toes curl. “Yeah,” he whispered. “I did.”

Keith had just wrestled Shiro’s sinfully tight shirt off of him when the front door banged open, and he nearly jumped out of his own skin. He shuffled away from Shiro and made to grab for his shirt, but it had apparently been tossed somewhere out of arm’s reach when Shiro had taken it off. With wild eyes and building panic, he whipped his head toward the door to see who had come in.

“Oh, sorry,” the intruder said, embarrassment clear in his voice. “I thought we had plans tonight.” He looked back and forth between Keith and Shiro a couple of times, confusion and concern evident on his face, before regaining his composure. “Nice to see you again, Keith. Glad Shiro finally called.”

Keith looked to Shiro for an explanation. They’d been working together and seeing each other for over a month, and Shiro hadn’t told Matt?

Shiro wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Yeah. Actually, we work together, so...” He paused. Keith hadn’t seen him so tense since… since he learned about Shiro’s accident, probably. “What did you say you were doing here?”

Shiro sat up and reclaimed the shirt Keith had just stripped him of. Keith got the message and rose to find his own shirt. He yanked it on quickly and tried to hide the humiliated flush of his cheeks. He had known this didn’t mean the same thing to Shiro that it meant to him, but he thought it would have at least been worth mentioning to Matt that they’d reconnected as friends, especially since Matt had seemed so excited about the prospect when they’d met so many weeks ago.

If Matt could sense the new tension in the room, he didn’t acknowledge it. “We had plans? You were gonna help me test a few new potential updates to the arm?”

Shiro cringed. “Shit, yeah. I'm sorry. It totally slipped my mind.”

While Shiro and Matt talked, Keith gathered the rest of his things and made his way toward the door. He had his hand on the knob when Matt spoke again.

“Where you headed?”

“Don't cancel your plans on my account,” Keith said. “I’ve got things I need to do anyway, so it's fine.” It was a lie, and all three of them knew it, but neither Matt nor Shiro called him on it. He wished it didn't hurt that Shiro didn't ask him to stay anyway. “See you guys. Nice to see you again, Matt.”

The door was almost shut behind him when he heard Matt's feeble “Yeah, you too.”

He wasn’t ready to go home. Truth be told, he had hoped maybe he’d get to spend the night at Shiro’s. It was a stupid wish, because Shiro never let him stay and never stayed at Keith’s when Keith offered, but he couldn’t stop himself from hoping that the next time would be different. At not-even-nine o’clock the same night, he definitely wasn’t ready to face his empty home with hours to kill before he’d be ready to sleep.

On a whim, he wandered down the block toward town. Shiro didn’t live far from a few restaurants and bars. Keith knew because they’d ordered in from a few of them on nights when neither of them felt like cooking — certainly not because they’d ever actually gone to any of them. Although it wasn’t explicitly stated, Keith understood that part of the whole “not dating” thing was making sure they never crossed the line of possible romance. The making out, he guessed, didn’t count.

He strolled beneath the street lights, hands in his pockets, not sure where he intended to go, until something that smelled meaty and delicious caught his attention. It was coming from some kind of steakhouse he’d seen before but had never felt the urge to enter. He bee-lined for the building, suddenly aware of how hungry he was since they hadn’t actually gotten around to the dinner part of the evening earlier. Keith briefly considered ordering three meals to go and showing back up at Shiro’s, but the thought of intruding on plans and not being wanted stopped that train of thought in its tracks.

Much to his surprise, the first face he saw after being seated by an overly eager hostess was a friendly one. He hadn’t had much of a chance to talk with the other engineer one-on-one since he started working, seeing as they worked on different project teams, but the passing chit-chat in the break room was always pleasant, and Shiro had nothing but nice things to say about him, both personally and professionally.

Maybe it was because he was feeling a little lonely, or maybe he was actually growing as a person, but he felt compelled to walk over and strike up a conversation.

“Hey,” he said, tentatively walking up to Hunk’s table. The space in front of him was littered with what looked like a number of different appetizers, proteins, and sides.

Hunk blinked up at him. It seemed like it took him a second to realize who Keith was — which, yeah, Keith wasn’t exactly the most social person, he knew that — but then he grinned widely and gestured to the bench seat across from him.

“Hey! Didn’t expect to see you here! Have a seat, man.”

Keith looked around to see if there might be anyone else he knew before taking the indicated seat. “I’m not interrupting, am I? I don’t want to intrude if you’re here with someone.”

Hunk shrugged. “Nah, just treating myself. Food’s the best in town, honestly, and I just wrapped up a huge project. Have you been here before?”

Keith shook his head.

“Ah, man, good thing you found me, then! I come here all the time. I’ve had everything on the menu. Looking for anything in particular?”

Keith shook his head again. “Just walked in ‘cause it smelled good, I guess. I wasn’t really planning on coming out tonight.”

“Oh?” Hunk gave him an inquiring look. “What changed your mind?”

Keith tried not to think of what he had been doing not too long ago, willing his face not to heat up and give him away. “Plans changed, I guess, and I was in the neighborhood.”

“Hm.” Hunk carefully smoothed his face so that Keith couldn’t tell what he was thinking. It was a little unnerving, so with a forced chuckled, he changed the subject.

“I’m actually starving, though, so whatever recommendations you can give…”

“Oh, yeah! Absolutely.” Hunk plucked a menu from the end of the table and opened it to the entree section. “You look like a steak guy to me, definitely, otherwise I’d recommend the shrimp trio. But here, definitely the bleu cheese crusted filet. Oh and definitely get the loaded mashed potatoes on the side. You’re good with garlic, right? Because they’re pretty garlicky. You know what, actually, just let me order for you. Is that alright?”

Keith couldn’t help but smile a little at Hunk’s enthusiasm. The man loved food, obviously. He waved his hand to indicate that Hunk could by all means do what he pleased. Hunk grinned back and continued to scour the menu has Keith waved down his server to indicate that he’d moved tables.

“So, what’s with all the food?” he asked after Hunk had finished placing Keith’s order.

“Oh, yeah, like I said, treating myself. I’m gonna end up taking a huge chunk of this home, but feel free to graze on whatever looks good. I just couldn’t really decide, so I got a little bit of everything that sounded good at the time.”

Keith didn’t think twice about picking up something round and fried. He had it almost to his mouth before Hunk instructed, “Dip that in the remoulade. Trust me.” 

He did has he was told.

“Oh my god,” Keith groaned. “Fried mac and cheese?”

“With pimento cheese,” Hunk smirked.

“This is amazing. Shiro would—” He cut himself off abruptly, embarrassed about revealing his thoughts to someone who, while very nice and pleasant, was still essentially a stranger.

Hunk took it in stride, though. “Ha, yeah, Shiro’s pretty notorious around the office for his love of mac and cheese.”

“Yeah,” Keith choked out. Just to have an excuse not to say anything, he picked another thing off of one of Hunk’s various plates and shoved it in his mouth.

“That’s one of my favorites,” Hunk remarked. “Not generally a fan of puffed fish, but the salmon puffs here are great.”

Keith just hummed his assent and continued to chew for longer than was necessary before swallowing.

“Isn’t all of this kind of expensive?” Keith asked before he could stop himself, then promptly snapped his mouth shut. “Shit, sorry, that was rude.”

Hunk just shrugged. “It is, yeah. But like I said, most of it is coming home with me, and then I’ll have lunch at work for a few days. Plus, I’m getting paid like, way more than I know what to do with now. Who knew that engineering was such a lucrative field, right? Totally kidding, I absolutely knew that. But there’s nothing else I really want to spend it on, so why not spend it on my one true love?”

Keith raised an eyebrow at that.

“Delicious food,” Hunk explained. “Nothing warms hearts and brings people together like delicious food.” He gestured across the table between the two of them. “Case in point.”

Keith’s food arrived then, and his stomach let out an embarrassingly loud grumble. “Sorry,” he mumbled sheepishly. “Guess I’m hungrier than I thought.”

Hunk just chuckled. “No worries, man. Eat up before that medium rare becomes a medium. Nobody wants that.”

They both ate for a few minutes in comfortable, food-induced silence. Keith should have known the evening was going too well.

“So, um,” Hunk said after a few minutes. “You and Shiro are pretty close, huh?”

Keith tried to remain calm and not to choke on his food. “What makes you say that?”

“Oh, it’s just, you know, Shiro doesn’t really hang out with a ton of people outside of work, I guess, except for you and Matt Holt. I don’t know if you know Matt Holt. He used to work with us, too, but he left a while back to do his own thing.”

Keith stopped stuffing his mouth with potatoes and looked up at Hunk. “Matt used to work there?” That seemed… odd, considering Keith had reunited with him while Matt was working as a server in a greasy spoon.

“Yeah, you know him?”

“Yeah, he’s friends with Shiro. Knew him when I was a kid.”

Hunk gave him an astonished look. “You knew Shiro and Matt as kids?”

Keith shifted uncomfortably. He hadn’t meant to give away any information about Shiro that Shiro hadn’t offered freely. Even if it seemed pretty innocuous, Shiro seemed like he was pretty choosy about what information he gave out about himself. After all, he had never even told Matt he had called.

Trapped as he was, he answered the question anyway. “Yeah. We were neighbors, I guess.”

“Oh, sweet.” Hunk blinked, looking a little caught off guard. “I guess it makes sense that you guys got so, uh, close, so quickly.”

The way he said it made Keith’s skin prickle. They had been careful, hadn’t they? No one was supposed to know exactly how _close_ they were. It was bad enough that Matt had walked in on them earlier, and he didn’t even work with them. Though, Keith supposed, if he _used_ to work there, then that meant he still knew a lot of their coworkers… But Matt wouldn’t talk about them, right? He wasn’t that kind of guy. Keith didn’t know him well, but he had a hunch that Matt wasn’t that kind of person. But Hunk? Could he keep a secret?

Keith wasn’t sure what he looked like, but it must have alarmed Hunk, because he waved his arms and said, “Whoa, hey, Keith, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry. I just, uh, I just saw you guys once, in the parking lot. I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be a secret…” He trailed off uncertainly, concern obvious in the furrow of his brow. “It’s okay, man. I’m not gonna say anything, I swear. Just let my curiosity get the best of me. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Keith said, trying to calm his spiked pulse and itching skin. “We should have been more careful.” He gave Hunk an imploring look. “Look, I know we barely know each other, but please… You can’t say anything. To anyone. Shiro— _we_ don’t want anyone to know about this.”

“Yeah, of course,” Hunk placated. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Just uh, I dunno, maybe find some place better than the employee parking lot to, like, canoodle, or whatever.”

Keith nodded. He was glad he had already finished his steak, because it was delicious and he no longer had an appetite, and it would have been a shame to let it go to waste.

Hunk pushed another menu his way. “Dessert?” he offered. “Best Dutch apple pie in town.”

Keith shook his head. “Maybe next time.”

“Yeah?”

It took a second, but Keith realized it sounded like he was offering to come back with Hunk again. It didn’t sound like the worst idea in the world. Aside from the mild panic attack he had given him, Hunk was actually pretty easy to hang out with. “Yeah,” he agreed. “You can show me what else is great.”

“So you liked your food, then?”

Keith nodded, grateful for the change in subject and mood. “Yeah. It was delicious.”

Hunk beamed. “Glad to hear it.”

The server came back with their bills not long after, and before Keith could even pull out his wallet, Hunk had already handed over his card with both bills.

“What? No, I’m not letting you pay for my food,” Keith insisted.

“First time’s on me,” Hunk said in a tone that left no room for argument. “Besides, you came over here and kept me company when you didn’t need to. I appreciate that.”

Keith felt himself flush. “You don’t have to thank me for that.”

Hunk let out another goodhearted laugh. “No worries, man. Next time it’s on you, okay? I swear not to order half the menu.”

Keith smiled in spite of himself. It seemed like his evening had turned around after all. “Sounds good.”

Hunk convinced him to exchange numbers before they parted, saying that Keith should let him know next time he had a hankering to go out and try something new. He was on his way back to his bike, still parked at Shiro’s complex, when he got a phone call, which he answered absentmindedly. The voice on the other end made him think that maybe he should start looking at his caller ID before blindly answering. It wasn’t always his mom or pop calling, anymore.

“_Hey_,” Shiro said, sounding a little shy.

“Oh, hey.” Keith couldn’t help the way it came out sounding surprised.

“_So, I know you’re probably home by now and not really up for anything, and I don’t want to assume, but Matt just left, and I just figured since our night got interrupted_…”

Keith waited for him to finish his thought, but it never came. He cleared his throat. “Actually I was out. With a friend,” he added as an afterthought. He felt it was probably accurate enough now, as strange as it felt to say, and it made him feel a little less lame about hanging out by himself around Shiro’s neighborhood.

“_Oh. Well, if you’re busy_—”

“No!” Damn it. Too eager. “I mean, no, we just got done with dinner, so I was about to head home.”

“_Ah. Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be free. Or that you’d want to come back over. That was so presumptuous of me_.”

Keith sighed. “Shiro, it’s fine. I’m free now. Did you… Did you still want me to come over?”

“_What? Yeah, of course. Keith, of course I want you to come over. I was looking forward to hanging out with you tonight_.”

Keith hated the way his heart danced at the confirmation that Shiro still wanted to spend time with him.

“Okay,” he conceded quietly. “I’ll be there soon.”

He was there embarrassingly quickly, having already been headed that directly, and he could tell by the surprise on Shiro’s face as he opened the door that he hadn’t been expecting him so soon.

“Sorry, I left my bike here earlier.” His face burned, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. It wasn’t as if he expected Shiro to judge him or anything, but it did make him feel a bit vulnerable to be so… _available_.

“Oh, you don’t need to apologize. It’s a nice surprise.” Shiro smiled warmly at him and gestured for him to come in. “I’m sorry to call so late. I felt pretty awful that our night was interrupted. I actually didn’t expect you to give me the time of day.” He laughed self-deprecatingly. “I’m kind of surprised you still wanted to come back.”

Keith was suddenly slammed back into a memory he hadn’t thought of in years, of himself some ten years younger, lying under the shade of an old plum tree.

“You’re my best friend, Shiro,” he murmured. “Of course I’d want to come back.”

Shiro didn’t seem to know what to say to that. He looked at Keith in a way that Keith couldn’t decipher, then smiled softly and turned to flop back onto the couch gracelessly. “So, you wanna pick up where we left off?”

Keith’s face immediately flamed at the memory of where they had _left off_. It was such a bold question, much bolder than they usually were with each other. He couldn’t say it really bothered him, though. He had been disappointed when they had to stop, and he would always take any chance to be physically close with Shiro.

Shiro must have seen his blush across the room as he stumbled over his words to correct himself. “I-I meant— the show! Pick up where we left off… in the show…” He trailed off, rubbing his hand sheepishly on the back of his neck in a gesture Keith had grown fond of. There was a moment of awkward silence as Keith made his way over to the couch. When he sat, Shiro looked up at him through his lashes — an absolutely _devastating_ look — and said, “Or, you know, if you wanted to…”

Keith swallowed hard and met Shiro’s hopeful eyes as he looked back. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Keith shifted slightly, uncertain about what to do next. He didn’t need to fret for long, though, because the next thing he felt was Shiro’s big hand on his neck and his warm lips against his. He allowed himself to melt into the kiss, just as perfect and heart-stopping as always.

It wasn’t long before Shiro’s hand began to trail from Keith’s neck down to his stomach, shooting goosebumps up his spine with every touch. Shiro slid his other hand underneath the hem of his shirt, and then Keith found himself bare-chested again, with Shiro leaning over him just like before. His heart pounded out of rhythm as he pulled Shiro’s shirt over his again once more, half afraid that something might interrupt them again, and half afraid that this was his last chance to have Shiro like this.

“You okay?” Shiro murmured against his lips.

“I’m good,” Keith said through a shaky breath.

Shiro pulled back just enough to make eye contact. “You sure? We don’t have to go any further, you know. It’s totally up to you.”

Keith closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m sure. I want this.” He opened his eyes again, firming his resolve. “I want you.”

It seemed like that was all Shiro needed to hear. He dove back in for another kiss, slow and filthy in a way that made Keith’s toes curl. Shiro’s fingers landed on the waistband of his pants, and Keith’s breathing stuttered as Shiro unbuttoned his pants one-handed. Shiro chuckled as he pulled down the zipper, slow and teasing.

“Like that?”

Keith bit back a moan at the sensation of Shiro’s knuckles gliding down the length of his erection. He nodded, not trusting his own voice. _God_, Shiro knew exactly how to push his buttons.

Shiro made short work of removing his own pants and Keith’s. The sight of Shiro standing above him as he unbuckled his belt and slid his pants down his thickly muscled thighs was one Keith was sure he would _never_ forget. “Wanna stay here or take it to the bedroom?”

The answer came to Keith immediately. He had dreamt about this exact scenario hundreds of times throughout his adolescence, horny and brimming with hormones and no outlet except for the punching bags at the gym. In his wildest dreams, he and Shiro had done it in every location and position imaginable; but in his deepest, truest imaginings, he always pictured himself in Shiro’s bed, happy and blushing and smiling with Shiro above him pressing him into the mattress with his considerable weight, whispering sweet nothings and how much he loved him into his ear and against his lips.

“Bed,” he said, hoping it didn’t come out sounding as wistful as he felt. Maybe it wouldn’t be _exactly_ like he always imagined, but it was close, and he could pretend for the rest.

Shiro stepped back and extended a hand for Keith to take to pull himself up off of the couch. He couldn’t help the pang of disappointment he felt when Shiro dropped his hand to turn around and walk down the hallway toward the bedroom. As soon as it appeared, he squashed it down. _You’re not dating_, he scolded himself. _You don’t get to hold his hand. That’s not what this is about_. Still, he couldn’t help but wish, hating himself for it all the while.

Shiro didn’t even bother to close the door behind them as he slunk over to the bed and draped himself over the pillows like a vision straight out of a dirty magazine or one of Keith’s wet dreams. Keith allowed himself a minute to just look at him. He was breathtaking — all muscle and long limbs, steely grey eyes under long, thick lashes, and wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs that clung to his thighs and showed off his impressive package.

“Like what you see?”

The smirk that Shiro shot him made Keith’s mouth dry, but he could see a faint blush high on the apples of Shiro’s cheeks, too.

“Sorry. Got distracted.”

His words had the desired effect; Shiro ducked his face as the color spread to the tips of his ears. Keith had rarely seen Shiro flustered, but then again, they had never been in this situation before. He tried not to be self-conscious as he made his way toward Shiro and knelt on the bed. If he were more confident, he would have crawled right over top of Shiro and kissed him senseless, but suddenly his limbs felt too long and his body too skinny. He felt like an awkward, gangly teenager again, even though he knew logically that he looked good. Just, with Shiro in front of him the picture of the perfect man, he couldn’t help but feel a little inadequate, especially since—

“Come here,” Shiro urged, reaching for him. 

Keith did his best to push down his insecurities and did as he was told. He moved to straddle Shiro’s hips and bent down to lay a soft kiss on Shiro’s lips. Shiro hummed and combed the fingers of one hand through Keith’s hair, holding him close and deepening their kiss. His other hand trailed up and down Keith’s thigh a few times. 

“You’re so gorgeous,” Shiro whispered as he made a puddle out of Keith with his mouth, effectively banishing his earlier thoughts. He trailed his knuckles up Keith’s thigh again and kept going until he was cupping Keith’s ass with his broad hand. He gave it a quick, appreciative squeeze and hummed his pleasure against Keith’s lips.

Keith’s lips curled up at the corners. He was sure Shiro could feel it, but he didn’t care. This was how he wanted it to be. Shiro’s thumb caressed the sensitive point behind his ear while Shiro’s other hand explored the expanse of his back, ass, and thighs. Once or twice Keith shivered at the sensations. It was almost overwhelming being touched that way, especially by Shiro. It struck him then that it was _actually happening_ — he was going to have sex. He was going to have sex with _Shiro_. It wasn’t all in his imagination anymore.

Keith pulled back slightly, surprised to find that he was having trouble catching his breath. Shiro huffed a laugh that sounded entirely too affectionate. He stroked his fingers through Keith’s hair as Keith willed himself to calm down. He sank down and allowed Shiro to hold his weight, immediately becoming hyper aware of the way his erection was pressed to Shiro’s stomach and Shiro’s was nudging at his ass. Shiro continued to stroke his hair and brought his other arm up from its place on Keith’s ass to wrap around his waist, holding him close. Keith rested his head against Shiro’s chest and was reassured to hear that Shiro’s heart was beating just as hard as his own.

“You good?” Shiro asked after a few moments of comfortable silence. Keith nodded. Shiro laid a kiss to the top of his head that made him shiver. “Cold?”

Rather than answer, Keith leaned up to kiss Shiro once more. Shiro took his cue and kissed back, bringing both hands down to Keith’s hips to hold him against him. As things began to heat up again, Shiro rolled them so that Keith was beneath him with Shiro’s weight pinning him down. Unconsciously, he breathed out a sigh. It felt _so good_ to have Shiro above him, touching him, kissing him, nipping at his neck and shoulders, caging him in between his sturdy body and the plush bed beneath him.

“How would you like to do this?” Shiro asked between sweet kisses to Keith’s pulse point.

“You,” Keith breathed, struggling to get the words out around the breathy moans Shiro drew out of him. “You, inside me. Please.”

Shiro hummed in acknowledgement and turned Keith’s head the other way to lavish attention on the other side of his neck. “Mmkay. I like that.”

Keith shuddered at the words and a well-timed nibble to his earlobe. It punched a moan out of him that he was too aroused to be embarrassed by. “Shiro—” He didn’t know what he wanted to say, just knew that he needed to say it, needed Shiro to hear it, needed to let Shiro knew that he made him feel _so good_.

Shiro gave his ear another teasing nibble and then worked his way down, kissing Keith’s neck and chest, and paying special attention to his abs before placing a tender kiss on the soft skin below his belly button where his happy trail peaked out from his boxer briefs.

Without further ado, Shiro hooked both hands into the waistband of his underwear and pulled them down and off his legs. He took a moment to kiss each part of Keith’s legs on his way back up. It was the sweetest kind of torture, better than anything he had ever imagined, but so bittersweet as Shiro dropped kisses to his ankle, knee, and thigh. It was so tender and so hot and so sweet, and Keith felt a prickle in the corners of his eyes, overcome as he was with emotion. Thankfully, Shiro moved on from lavishing Keith’s thighs with affection and moved back up to his lips to kiss him hard and dirty.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” Shiro breathed.

Keith’s heart skipped a beat. “You already said that.”

“Mm. Yeah. But it’s still true.”

As much as he loved hearing it, _fuck_, he wished Shiro wouldn’t say those things to him if he didn’t want to be with him. He felt a brief flash of hurt and anger, but shoved it away and channeled his energy into what they were physically doing instead.

“Shut up and fuck me,” he demanded, though it came out less scathing and more breathy than he’d intended.

Shiro smirked. “Yes, sir.” He lifted himself off of Keith momentarily to rummage around in his nightstand. “Blueberry or pineapple?” he asked.

Keith looked at him in bewilderment. “Excuse me?”

“The lube,” Shiro chuckled. “Blueberry or pineapple?”

“Ew,” Keith said accidentally, then snapped his mouth shut. Shiro just laughed.

“Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve bought any of the regular stuff. These are, uh, left over.” His smile was a confusing combination of bashful and forced, making Keith think for dozenth time that there was more to the story than he knew. A spike of jealousy shot through him at the reminder of Shiro’s history, and the box inside the cabinet, so he reached over himself and grabbed the first one he could get his hand on and shoved it into Shiro’s chest.

“Doesn’t matter. Let’s keep going.”

Shiro took the lube and blinked at him. “Keith?”

Keith shook his head. “Nothing. I’m sorry. I just really want to do this, okay? Please.” Shiro hesitated for a moment longer, so Keith pulled him down and kissed him. When he pulled back, he felt more stable and was able to look at Shiro earnestly. “Really. Please. This is good.”

Shiro nodded and snapped open the lid. The smell of artificial pineapple wafted between them as Shiro coated his fingers. Keith scrunched up his nose at the plasticky scent, and Shiro just grinned and kissed his nose. “You’re cute.”

For what felt like the fortieth time that night, Keith felt his face heat up and cursed his blush reflex. Shiro grinned even wider and leaned down to kiss him as he used his clean hand to push Keith’s legs apart and reposition himself between them. Then, slowly, he used the same hand to gently stroke Keith’s dick as he dragged one lube finger down his perineum and across his hole.

Keith sucked in a loud, gasping breath at the cold, wet feeling on his hole. It wasn’t like he’d never touched himself there before, but he didn’t do it often, and it was an entirely different feeling having someone else touch him. Shiro didn’t rush, lazily stroking his dick and teasing the outside of his hole until Keith was relaxed and letting out small, pleased sounds.

As soon as he felt Shiro’s finger begin to breach, he instinctively tightened up again, and Shiro pulled back his hand.

“Relax, baby,” he murmured. “I’m not gonna hurt you. Just relax.”

Keith inhaled a deep breath and released it slowly, forcing himself to relax his muscles. When he felt ready, he nodded, and Shiro’s finger returned to his hole. Again, he felt the instinct to clench, but he fought the impulse and breathed out again as Shiro buried his finger inside him to the knuckle.

“You’re doing amazing, Keith,” he praised. Keith turned his head away to hide the smile the praise elicited. “Look at me,” Shiro whispered. Keith obeyed and turned back to look into Shiro’s eyes. They were dark and intense and so beautiful. “Still good?”

Keith nodded. “Yeah. Still good,” he whispered back. There was no real need to whisper — no one else lived in Shiro’s apartment, and the walls were thick enough that the neighbors wouldn’t hear, but it felt appropriate for the mood, which had turned serious and important.

When he felt better adjusted to the sensation of something inside him, Shiro slowly inserted another. It was surprisingly easier to take than the first one, and not long after Keith felt relaxed and more aroused than he’d ever been in his entire life.

“I’m ready,” he said.

“Okay.”

Shiro kissed him again, just a soft peck, and sat back up to wipe off his hand and roll on a condom, which Keith assumed he had gotten from the nightstand sometime while he was distracted.

“Okay, baby, relax for me, alright?”

Keith nodded and took another deep breath. As Shiro lined himself and began to press in, Keith slowly released his breath. It helped. Shiro was big, and he felt much fuller with Shiro’s dick inside him than he had with just his fingers, but it didn’t hurt. Shiro had said he wouldn’t hurt him, and he was staying true to his word, slipping inside slowly and allowing Keith time to adjust.

“How do you feel?” Shiro murmured as he stroke Keith’s bangs from his face. Keith hadn’t even noticed it had fallen into his eyes.

“So good,” he said honestly. “Just need a second.”

“Sure.” Shiro resumed his earlier work of marking his neck and nibbling his ears until Keith felt like he was ready to crawl out of his skin with arousal.

“Okay. Okay,” he breathed. “You can move now.”

Shiro started slowly, rocking out and back in again, until Keith was digging his stubby fingernails into the meat of Shiro’s biceps.

“Faster, Shiro, please—”

A moan tore from his throat as Shiro snapped his hips forward with significantly more force before and kept going. It was so much faster and harder, each thrust pushing Keith up until he had to throw a hand back and brace himself against the headboard.

“_Fuuucckk_,” he keened. He felt incredible. He wasn’t even sure if it was possible to feel any better until Shiro leaned back on his knees and lifted both of Keith’s legs on this shoulders. The new position let Shiro hit him harder and deeper at the perfect angle, and Keith thought he was going to see stars.

“Shiro— Sh— I— _fuck_— I’m—” he cut himself off with a startled shout as he came, _hard_.

“Fuck,” Shiro grunted from somewhere above him, and then Shiro was pulling out, tearing off the condom and coming on Keith’s chest and stomach in hot spurts.

Keith didn’t even realize he’d run a finger over his abs and brought it to his lips until he tasted the unfamiliar acrid taste on his tongue and heard Shiro inhale sharply where he was still braced above him, catching his breath. He froze, one finger in his mouth and his eyes blown wide open.

Shiro, face already red with exertion, was slowly pinking up to the tips of his ears, staring down at Keith with an expression like a trapped rabbit.

They stayed like that for a few uncomfortable seconds until Keith had to forethought to remove the finger from his mouth and look away. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Wasn’t thinking.”

Shiro coughed and finally allowed himself to collapse to one side and roll onto his back. “No worries.” His voice was strained, like he was stopping himself from saying something rude or having some sort of unsavory reaction. It made Keith’s stomach drop.

“I’ll just go, um—” He gestured in the direction of the bathroom. Shiro just closed his eyes and nodded. Keith climbed off the bed carefully, doing his best not to disturb Shiro more than necessary, and ambled toward the bathroom to clean himself off. He didn’t know what to make of the whole experience. It had been wonderful, amazing, _perfect_, even; until the end when he’d gone and fucked it up by doing something weird. This was why he had never been able to make friends, even though he’d tried. This was why he had never had a romantic relationship before, even when he’d known that other guys had been attracted to him before. He always managed to do something weird and drive people away. It was inevitable. Any hopes he had of this thing with Shiro maybe developing into something more someday crashed and burned with every brush of washcloth against skin, and with it, the happiness and security he had felt during his first time with the love of his life.

When he was sufficiently clean, he turned off the faucet, rung out the washcloth, and tossed it into the dirty clothes bin in the corner. At least, he hoped they were dirty clothes — it would be so typical of him to throw his come-stained washcloth in with all of Shiro’s freshly washed laundry.

Pushing that thought aside, he trekked back across the hall to Shiro’s bedroom and hesitated before pushing the cracked door open again. Was he being stupid? Surely, Shiro wouldn’t want to stop being friends over something like— something like Keith— He _ate_ Shiro’s _come_? What the_ fuck_? _Why would he do that_?

With a heavy sigh (one that he belatedly hoped Shiro didn’t hear), he pushed the door open and began to gather his things.

“Hey,” Shiro called from the bed, where he hadn’t budged an inch. “You okay?”

Keith nodded. The sudden lump in his throat made it difficult to talk, so he didn’t. He pulled up his boxers with his back turned to Shiro. He was suddenly uncomfortably conscious of his body again, just like the moments before they had sex. Shiro had called him gorgeous, then. What about now? What did Shiro think of him now?

“Keith?”

He looked up at the sound of Shiro calling him again. “Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

Fuck, he looked so earnest. It wasn’t fair. In a way, maybe it would all have been easier if Shiro just decided he was too weird to deal with anymore. After all, they’d only reconnected recently. They could both go back to the way things were. Keith could find another job. It would be fine.

He must have taken too long to answer, because suddenly Shiro was up and across the room in all of his naked glory, a heavy hand on Keith’s shoulder, squeezing gently.

“Keith. Look at me.”

He did, and was surprised to feel something wet roll down his cheek. Shocked and humiliated, he turned away and frantically wiped the tears from his eyes. Fuck. Why was he crying? There was no good reason for it. He should be happy right now. This should be the best night of his life. Why the fuck was he crying?

“Oh,” Shiro exhaled softly. “Oh, Keith, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“What?” Keith snapped his head up, no longer concerned about the burning in his eyes, nose, and cheeks. “Shiro, you didn’t push me. I wanted this.”

Shiro looked unconvinced. “Then what’s wrong?”

Keith waited a beat too long before answering, “Nothing.”

“That’s obviously not true. Please tell me. I know I did something to make you feel this way. What was it?”

Keith didn’t answer.

“Please. I need to know. I never want to make you feel like this.”

The hand on his shoulder moved in a soothing motion down to his elbow, then back up again. Keith pulled in a jagged breath and tried to speak.

“It’s not your fault. I’m just… I’m just weird, okay? I just, I dunno. Got scared, I guess.”

“Scared? Of me?”

Keith shook his head, stepping forward and giving in to the urge to comfort and protect. Shiro looked so hurt at the idea that he had done something to hurt or scare Keith, and Keith needed him to know that it wasn’t his fault. Keith was the one messing everything up, not Shiro. Never Shiro.

“No,” he said, reaching a hand up to cup Shiro’s cheek. Shiro raised his own hand to cover Keith’s and hold it there. “I could never be afraid of you, Shiro.”

Shiro swallowed loudly. “So what is it?”

Keith took a deep breath and then exhaled slowly. He gave Shiro one more loving caress and dropped his hand.

“I had fun today, Shiro. I promise I did. You were— it was amazing. I just freaked, okay? We’ve been friends for so long and all…” He trailed off, unsure of what else to say. It was a half-truth at best.

“Keith,” Shiro breathed, looking relieved. “This doesn’t change anything. Of course we’ll stay friends. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Keith smiled through the fracturing of his already fragile heart. He had known that Shiro would never share the same feelings, but the confirmation hurt more than he had expected.

“Thanks, Shiro,” he whispered. “I love being your friend.”

Shiro grinned and pulled him in so that Keith was pressed up against his still very naked body. “Me too, Keith. I love being your friend, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Undecided if there will be one chapter after this or two, because I didn't quite get everything into this chapter that I wanted, but regardless, this fic will be coming to a close in the near future!

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/benicemurph)


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